A soul song singing,
Awakens Langaeihom.
From round blue awe of stars,
I come to you,
Bearing silent song following o.
Through the woe of lonely only being
Know the light of the Onely I.
Not I,
The vessel sailing seas of Lanthedin,
Know I,
The warming light,
Guiding through the night.
Stars ringing melody,
Breathes life becoming way.
In dawning Langaeihom,
Companions in creations are revealing,
The lion of your heart,
The courage conquering fear,
Avoid not dark Deskur.
Though the foe he be,
Through strife, the strength of being grows.
Be ever watchful of this beast,
Whose darkness web entangles sight
So all appears in dimly shades
Of cold contracting threats.
Know the darkness of your being
As the way to living light,
I am.
In valiant heart becalmed,
Stand face to face,
Behold the ways of Death Deskur,
Who would consume the light,
Stealing world creation’s seed.
In the shadow rocks of lifelessness,
Gain freedom pure of heart.
As Onely I,
Stand upon the darkness soil,
But be nurtured through the light I am.
Let the song be born I am,
As your being ever now,
Creating life, redeeming Death,
That the will be done I am.
In Lanthedin,
In Langaeihom,
World creating harmony
Flows through I am
As ever present essence,
I am one in all,
All in one I am.
The drawings, paintings and poems in Window One: On My Way were created in my 20’s and early 30’s. When I look at them today I have two contrasting reactions. On the one hand I feel like I am looking into a mirror that reflects not so much my outer appearance as my inner state of heart and mind at that early age. From this perspective, I am tempted to keep them to myself as works that have meaning and value solely for myself. On the other hand, I find myself looking at these works of art as though someone else created them. In this frame of mind, I am intrigued by the way they reveal the unique way this young man saw himself and the world in this early period of his life. I have decided to share these early works on the chance that they might speak to others whether they resonate from an inner place that seems similar or quite different from their own experience.
Some of the poems included here have a relationship to the preceding painting or drawing, but for the most part, the viewer should not look for any direct correspondence between them. Both the written and visual works belong together because a common consciousness, a certain state of mind and being, expressed itself through the various mediums .
Michael Howard,
March, 2017
i mirroring i
who is me
i weeping i
so much all to be
On My Way
Early in the morning I awake.
Quietly, without a word,
I am on my way.
What is calling, calling me?
To wonder wander is my way.
Across the miles of plain,
Looms a fortress wall.
Hours pass before I pass,
The temple gate of gods.
What is calling, calling me?
To wonder wander is my way.
Tourists speed,
Snapping the view,
Collecting I’ve-been-there.
What is calling, calling me?
To wonder wander is my way.
From long, long ago…
What is it I recall?
Among these Beings of Rock,
I am coming home,
What is calling, calling me?
To wonder wander is my way.
I leave the highway,
To walk a free heart,
In the towering heights,
In the song of the stream.
What is calling, calling me?
To wonder wander is my way.
To be my self,
On my way.
And yet,
Haunting…
The Unknown walks with me,
On my way.
A Land Hi in Sky Sunset
a normal world at sunset,
for those hurrying by;
for i
the many fragment world complex,
becomes world singing song.
i see a land hi in sky sunset,
being in a land hi in sky sunset,
the sunset radiates,
i radiate the sunset.
a pilgrimage to a land hi in sky sunset.
crystal, blue, calm, is all,
refreshing the soul,
in a bath of golden platter lakes, passing by,
dancing light songs,
somersaulting among evolving rainbow sculptures.
contentment wishes of remain, only destroys.
ploughing the way is with pain.
the world had smothered i,
the vapor way effortlesses,
bubbling to the surface along the stream,
the splendor of passing along the vapor way,
on the plain of blue,
to enter amongst towering cloud peak idols…
so minute, becoming nothing,
infinity entering.
for a moment the i revives to make
one last world whimper that the rest would follow.
from a land hi in sky sunset
i see they are,
in their own, one way or another.
the vapor effortless is transparent mist,
nothing was death,
life begins.
In a land of shadows we walk.
Each step a question,
Who and why am I?
Through this maze of shadows,
How to find our way?
From out the darkness,
Two paths meet.
Who are you in the light of I?
Who am I in the light of you?
The shadow mountains still surround,
But what is this,
Shining between our eyes?
In the land of shadow questions,
Learning to see
I to I.
oli orj
I am
becoming
dome echoing velvet,
becoming
a keyhole moon blossoming
milky way motion mints,
becoming
prancing rainbow dimpled blobs
yawning leaps into blackness,
becoming
orange obbles flowing
purple spray pop ping,
becoming
pulsating white light whistles
glowing lovsilence warmth,
becoming
crystal cubes laughing
melting know now tears,
becoming
whirlpooling pond calm,
becoming
soundless singing suspension,
becoming
i am
oli orj
I am that rather dull looking shadow,
Silently passing by;
I know you have no time for the likes of me.
But as I walk,
I see
I am in the land of the Heroes of the Sun Skin Deep.
I marvel,
How you glow
No less than your frozen gold idol.
Arrayed in your flashy colored armor defense,
Strutting I’m a pretty clever naked ape,
Riding blazing chariots of fiery consuming soul.
And yet,
Do I see in those pretty,
Do you see me eyes,
The blush of only loneliness,
The windows to a soulscape,
Emptiscape, trying to escape?
O, you Gods and Goddesses of the Sun Skin Deep!
Beneath the skin deep world,
In quiet depths of darkness,
A wonder world weaving
Gives birth to the Sun I am
The clamor tog of city cog,
Shatter shakes breaks!
You clattertack clattertack du,
You getterog getterog tu.
Go touf rap rut sackero daei,
Go touf rap rut sackero daei,
Go touf rap rut sackero daei.
And then,
On the morning of the dawn still now,
I
Into the secret deepness lie,
Washing away,
Shacking the sleep of everyday.
Into the stillness,
Sensing the sleeping prisoner I.
Mist of morn arise!
Free the prisoner I.
All around,
If I listen,
Living spaces, Light and Dark,
Echo through the heart.
In the stream,
Bubbles swirl,
Dancing all,
Can I hear?
Awun uwal aroun aroun uroam,
Rorum rolil roham roham.
Behold our dance,
Our breathing script.
Through the masks of form
The glimmer of our being.
Gently approach,
And we reveal
The song of world creating…
Awun uwal aroun aroun uroam,
Rorum rolil roham roham.
With this song,
I walk
In the cog of the corp
Where the cope fret stirs.
I to I
If we met, would we meet?
Would I know you as I?
What is I?
I am so me, and yet how little I know I.
If so little I know I,
How am I to know you as I?
You who are I as I am I.
When we meet, may we meet
I to I.
amongst
a crystal bubble forest,
in a floating
ice island world,
transparent melting.
It’s a sunny Sunday morning,
A pool of sunshine in my lap,
The morning silence speaks to me
Of the mystery of time.
The sunlight echoes the child of innocence
That once upon a time I was.
But now, who am I,
Now and ever now?
I wonder wander through the world
Looking for that lost something.
Seven years, a life time past,
Within your life I found my life.
Seven years, two lives as one,
So long, so short,
So well known, not known at all.
A life so real,
One day is simply gone.
All things pass away,
The child of innocence must pass away,
To become a child of pain.
The sky of my heart
Fills with clouds of rain.
I had your love
And lost your love.
O mystery in time,
Can this be?
Can love be lost?
Within the silence of sunlight singing,
Nothing is lost.
In the mystery of time,
Love is not lost.
Artistic Contemplation:
an Antidote to Techno-Fatigue
The demands and pace of contemporary life lead many of us to spend much of our day working with computers, telephones and other forms of digital technology. To reap the benefits of technology we need not resign ourselves to their harmful effects. The contemplation of art offers us an antidote to our technological way of life.
All forms of work cause fatigue. Working on a computer and other forms of technology for an extended period induces a particular kind of weariness I call techno-fatigue. One way to overcome the stress and weariness of techno-fatigue is to take an “art break”. Even fleeting glances at simple artistic forms--when lifting our gaze from the computer screen, or while talking on the phone--can rejuvenate us in body and soul. Contemplating artistic forms becomes all the more effective and lasting when we work with them more intensively in ways such as the following:
Drawing Forms:
Artistic contemplation of forms is especially effective when we can draw them ourselves without distractions or interruptions for at least 5-10 minutes. Through drawing we learn to observe the different elements of each form more exactly. For example, when drawing the four forms of Figure 2b we become more sensitive to their relative straightness vs. curvedness, angularity vs. roundedness. As we become more aware of their outer similarities and/or differences, we will become more attuned to their corresponding inner qualities. With the forms of Figure 2b we may feel qualities such as grounded weight in the triangle that develops into expanding levity with the circle.
A few practical suggestions for drawing these forms:
i) Just as we each have a different style of writing, we should experiment to find the way of drawing that is right for us. However, drawing in outline or shading to look three-dimensional is not recommended. Whatever our stroke, drawing them as flat surfaces serves our aim of coming to a feeling experience of each form.
ii) If possible, draw all the forms of a particular sequence in one session. However, if we feel rushed, it is better to draw one or two forms at a time. Our aim is to overcome everything within and without us that would distract or deter us from becoming fully engaged in heart and mind. In cultivating this capacity to live more deeply in one activity our conscious purpose is to balance the tendency towards multi-tasking that is so prevalent in contemporary life and work.
Contemplating the Drawn Forms:
It is possible to contemplate artistic forms without drawing them. In this case, we strive to be as active in observing the forms as we would in drawing them. Our task is to observe where the form is wide and narrow, round or angular, convex or concave, in as much detail as we would when drawing. Our careful observation of the different elements in each form, prepares us, as with the drawing, to come to a feeling experience of each form. Furthermore, it can lead us to feel the changes through the whole sequence of forms.
Contemplating the Forms Imaginatively:
After drawing and/or contemplating the outer forms for some time, they will become so familiar that we will be able to form them in our minds eye. This enables us to contemplate them as purely imagined forms. At first, these imagined forms will very likely seem faint and fleeting compared to the drawn forms. With practice, however, they can become increasingly vivid and alive. We build up this inner exercise in two steps:
i) We mentally form the various elements of each form--where the form is wide and narrow, round or angular, etc. We do this with each successive form in a sequence. It is helpful to imagine adjoining pairs and finally, to imagine all the forms of the sequence either as a whole, or at least in quick succession. The mental gymnastics required to do this will, at the very least, enhance our powers of inner concentration and mobility of thought.
ii) It is not essential to see the individual forms or the whole sequence vividly or for long in order to do the second part of the exercise. Without the stimulus of any outer form or, even an inner picture in our mind’s eye, we now create an inner space of receptivity, akin to listening, in order to allow the inner quality of each form to resonate within us as a feeling impression.
When speaking of a feeling impression we are referring to an experience of grounded weight or expanding buoyancy as for example in the triangle and circle of Figure 3. The feeling impression of each form and sequence of forms is the heart and soul of these exercises. Whether we are contemplating the forms outwardly or inwardly, we are learning to discern the difference between a subjective feeling, our personal like or dislike, and an objective feeling of qualities such as grounded weight and expanding buoyancy. In contemplating objective qualities our inner activity moves from a concentration exercise to a meditation.
It is more difficult to feel the quality of a single form by itself. For this reason it is more effective to compare the feeling of two adjoining forms. Going through the sequence of forms in successive pairs prepares us to imaginatively feel the whole sequence as a progression of qualities. Through these exercises we discover the world of form has three different levels: the body of form made visible in matter, the idea of form made visible in our imagination, and the soul of form manifesting as inner qualities.
Art as a Way of Life:
Even fleeting but regular glances upon artistic forms can be beneficial. But more intensive contemplation of forms through drawing and/or building them up in our imagination, will over time enhance our powers of concentration, enliven our thinking and feeling, and make us more receptive to creative intuitions in all our affairs.
The work of art is not the object but the inner experience which a drawing, painting or sculpture awakens in us. Insofar as we are changed, we are the work of art. Art is the life-blood of the human soul. As we need water, food and air to sustain our body, we need art to sustain our heart and mind. World destiny may require us to live and work with machines. But if we are to avoid becoming evermore machine-like ourselves, we must take our destiny in hand and feed our creative spirit through art. As technology has become a way of life, so art can become a way of life.
Look at the physical point.
Note the inner effort needed to maintain your gaze on the physical point as long as possible.
Select another point on the page other than the physical one.
Hold your gaze on this non-physical point for as long as possible.
Note the greater effort needed to look at the non-physical point.
A physical point makes visible a particular position in physical space.
A non-physical point is pure attention.
Look at the left physical point and then the right physical point.
Look at the space between the two physical points.
Note the non-physical line between the two physical points.
Note that this non-physical line extends beyond the physical points in both directions and off the physical page.
Two physical points define two positions in space.
A non-physical line is a line of thought.
Look at each of the three physical points.
Note the three non-physical lines passing through the three physical points.
Note the non-physical triangle.
Look at the three physical straight lines.
Feel the non-physical “straightness” of each physical line.
Look at the three physical angles.
Feel the non-physical “angularity” of each physical angle.
Look at the physical triangle.
Feel the non-physical “triangularity” of the physical triangle.
Note the physical differences of each triangle—short and wide, narrow and tall, symmetrical and asymmetrical.
Feel the non-physical “triangularity” common to all the different triangles.
Feel and compare the different quality of each triangle.
Note the different physical triangles as static and fixed forms.
Imagine three non-physical lines and three non-physical angles moving so as to form these and all possible triangles.
Imagine a moving non-physical triangle as the triangle of all triangles.
Triangularity is a dynamic non-physical quality.
* * * * *
Look at the 3 lines and 3 angles of the triangle.
Feel the triangularity of the triangle.
Look at the convex curve and symmetry of the circle.
Feel the circularity of the circle.
Imagine two intermediate forms between the triangle and circle such that one form will look more like a triangle, with a hint of a circle, and the other form will look more like a circle, with a hint of a triangle.
Note what is similar and different about each of the four forms as they outwardly change from left to right, and then right to left.
Note the changes from straight and angular to curve, as well as the position of the widest part of the form.
Note the non-physical quality of expanding fullness as the forms change from left to right, and deflating contraction as the forms change from right to left.
Note the qualitative change of grounded weight becoming buoyant levity when going from left to right, and vice versa going from right to left.
Picture in your mind's eye the whole sequence of forms, first from left to right, and then right to left.
Imaginatively repeat the whole sequence focusing more on the different feeling experience when going from left to right compared to right to left.
Allow the feeling experiences of buoyant expanding and contracting weight to resonate within you for a few moments.
* * * * *
Note the vertical straight line with the angle at the bottom and the accompanying thoughts of 'arrow' and ‘down’.
Note the vertical straight line with an angle at the top and the accompanying thoughts of 'arrow' and ‘up’.
Note where the left form is round and pointed, and where it is wide and narrow.
Note where the right form is round and pointed, and where it is wide and narrow.
Note the thought each form evokes such as ‘teardrop’ and ‘balloon.’
Compare the feeling of the ‘teardrop’ form to the feeling of the ‘balloon’ form.
Compare your experience of the straight forms to the round forms.
Note the difference between thinking up and down and feeling an upward and downward quality.
Imaginatively picture the up and down arrows.
Imaginatively feel the upward and downward quality of the "teardrop" and "balloon" forms.
* * * * *
Note how the circumference of each circle passes through the center point of the other circle.
Note the two points where the circles intersect.
Visualize the non-physical triangle created by the two center points and the upper intersecting points (another triangle can be formed with the lower intersecting point).
Note how the top intersecting point of the first two circles is the center of the third circle.
Note that the convex curves of the three circles not only reinforce the three points of the straight-sided triangle, but create a triangular form with curved sides.
Note that the third circle creates two additional intersecting points.
Note the six circles.
Note that the fourth circle has its center at the bottom intersecting point made by the first two circles.
Note the fifth and sixth circles have their centers at the two upper intersecting points made by the third circle.
Note that the three additional circles pass through the same three points of the straight and convex triangles.
Note that the three new circles create a third triangular form that has concave sides.
The six circles give us three triangular forms: straight, convex and concave.
Imagine the straight triangle becoming the convex triangle.
Imagine the straight triangle becoming the convex triangle.
Feel the straight triangle becoming the convex triangle and then back to the straight triangle.
Feel the straight triangle becoming the concave triangle and then back to the straight triangle.
Picture the whole sequence in your mind’s eye: from straight to convex and back to straight, then to concave and back to straight.
Repeat the sequence focusing less on the shapes and more on the feeling from one quality to another.
Allow the budding expansion of the convex triangle to resonate within you.
Allow the crystalline rigidity of the straight triangle to resonate within you.
Allow the withering contraction of the concave triangle to resonate within you.
* * * * *
* * * * *
Compare the circle and the convex form to the left.
Note where the two forms are curved, straight or angled.
Note where the two forms are wide and narrow.
Picture the circle becoming the convex triangle.
Feel the circle becoming the convex triangle.
Compare the convex curve form to the straight and concave forms.
What is similar and what is different?
Feel the grounded weight in all three forms compared to the buoyant levity of the circle.
Feel the buoyant weight of the convex triangle.
Feel the static weight of the straight triangle.
Feel the withering weight of the concave triangle.
Picture and feel the whole sequence from circle to concave triangle and back to the circle.
Compare the circle and the ‘balloon’ form to the right.
Note where the two forms are curved or straight.
Note where the two forms are wide and narrow.
Picture the circle becoming the balloon form.
Feel the circle becoming the balloon.
Compare the balloon form to the straight and the concave forms.
What is similar and what is different?
Feel the active levity of the balloon form.
Feel the static levity of the straight form.
Feel the dissipating levity of the concave form.
Picture and feel the whole sequence from circle to concave form and back to the circle.
* * * * *
Look at the left form noting where it is wide and narrow, where it is convex, concave and pointed.
Feel its withering weight.
Look at the right form noting where it is wide and narrow, where it is convex, concave and pointed.
Feel its expanding levity.
Picture two intermediate forms comparable to picturing two colors between yellow and blue--a yellow green and a blue green.
Note what is similar and what is different about the two forms on the left--where are they wide and narrow, and where are they convex, straight or concave.
Feel the withering weight of the far left form.
Feel the expanding levity growing out of the withering weight of the form second from the left,
Note what is similar and what is different about the two forms on the right--where are they wide and narrow, and where are they convex, straight or concave.
Feel the expansive levity of the far right form.
Feel the grounding weight growing down from the expanding levity.
Note how the one-sidedness of the two poles are balanced by introducing something of the opposite pole.
Imaginatively picture and feel an intermediate form that balances the two poles.
* * * * *
The Story of CoQuest
The story of CoQuest began with a game of chess in the spring of 1979. On this occasion I found myself becoming uncomfortable by the fact that only one of us could win and the other must lose. Like most people, we made good fun of our rivalry, knowing our cutthroat posturing was only a game—or, was it?
Ever since, I have carried the question: Is competition essential to a good game? All the great games of chance or strategy played over the centuries are competitive. Competition offers challenge and excitement. The prospect of winning is the primary motivation for playing. And yet, for me, the question persisted: Why can’t collaboration be the basis of a good game?
Team sports transfer this dynamic from two individuals to two groups battling to win. Curiously, each team exercises a high level of collaboration among themselves in order to compete and defeat the other team. This odd mix of collaboration and competitiveness in team sports--as in business, politics and warfare--begs the question: Why do we compete with some people and co-operate with others? Why do we not co-operate with all people, all the time?
For one thing, it is hard enough to get along with just one person, or a few people some of the time, never mind all people, all of the time. Is it possible that we compete so much because it is easier? Not that competing is easy, but collaborating with others is even more challenging because it means finding strategies that not only serve our own success but the success of all the players.
It is commonly assumed that self-interest is so deeply rooted in human nature that competition is unavoidable and therefore must be accepted as a fact of life. In spite of this prevailing assumption, a growing number of people recognize that our individual lives are inextricably interwoven with the lives of others--that the well being of one is intimately tied to the well being of all. Co-operation and collaboration are core capacities for maintaining the web of life that unites the whole earth. Human needs are such that it may be neither possible nor desirable that we try to eradicate self-interest entirely. What we can strive for is to harmonize our self-interest with empathic interest in others.
Since 1979, I have spent many hours trying to create a board game that has the drama of competition, while challenging players to find strategies that serve both their own progress and that of the other players. I have coined the name "CoQuest" to describe this kind of challenge in contrast to the “Conquest” character of all competitive games. Instead of battling each other as opposing “black and white” players, as in chess and Go, the players face the Black and White Demons as common adversaries that calls for the collaborative spirit of CoQuest to prevent the Demons as much as possible from capturing HavenFinders.
In developing CoQuest, I have played a great deal by myself. In the process I discovered that playing Solitaire CoQuest, even for a few minutes at a time is a rewarding experience. Moving both HavenFinders and Demons becomes a form of contemplative practice that awakens ones creative spirit through fostering inner calm and focus
CoQuest is more than a game; it is a way of being, a way of meeting the challenges of our time.
